{hunger strike and some insight into her condition}

hunger strike=harder on Mama than it is on Caroline.

geez.

I have also come to some conclusions lately. These are just my own opinion. It may or may not line up with what anybody else thinks. It may change too. And that's okay... Perspective has a lot to do with that. Needed to just get some feelings off my chest.

Having your first baby is so different than when the next ones come. (*And let me say, I hope I am not offending Mamas out there with two. I know that I absolutely don't have a clue what it's like to have two. I'm pretty sure it's a lot harder! :)

Parents naturally dote on the first baby so much more, because you are learning their thresholds of comfort, pain, and stubbornness.

I didn't transition Caroline from the bottle to her cup early on, like a lot of parents do. Her first birthday was right in the midst of the crazy food intolerance problems, and we were still trying to figure things out. I just didn't focus on it. And, now here I am having to force her to switch. But, that's just life. We will have to move on from the comfort of what we know. Not just as babies, but as we grow. I can't protect her from everything. But, I know as her Mama, I will still try. And that's okay with me.

Now, we know 2 things:

a) Her reflux is caused mainly by her hiatal hernia, an anatomical abnormality (that is somewhat common). This just means she has a predisposition for reflux, and will probably deal with it the rest of her life. I am so happy I fought for Prevacid, because that has saved her esophagus from having any long-term damage.

b) She also has some food allergies/intolerances. We haven't figured out exactly what they are yet. We are working on it. The weird thing is that she ate all these foods before, with the exception of dairy. Oatmeal and bananas were her favorite thing. She enunciated the word banana at 9 months old. She ♥s them. All of a sudden, she couldn't tolerate her normal food anymore. We kept trying, thinking it was the stomach virus, but then months went by, and she still couldn't do it.

I took her to a new GI specialist. He told me explicitly how he wanted me to start foods again. And do it in this order:

Rice, Oatmeal, Barley.

Yellow Veggies

Green Veggies

Fruits

Meats (white first)

Then, we try dairy.

Rice. No reaction. Hates it. Even with pear juice.

Oatmeal. Violent reaction.

Barley. Violent reaction.

As a first time parent, I am extra sensitive to protecting her. She's my first baby.

She always will be. We will do different things with our next one. First, because they will be different human beings, and second, because we will already understand some of those thresholds unlike before. (And, I know I will still love them just as much.)

That's ok. I know I can't say I would go back and do things differently, because she is my first baby. And I am extra careful to protect her.

It's different when you have a ticking time bomb, and you don't know if the next 24 hrs after having food is going to be okay, or taking care of a sick baby.

It's just different. When Caroline was eating solid foods before, feeding her every day was no big deal. Sweet Potatoes, Bananas, Green beans, any kind of cereal...

Most people don't realize that is what our day is like now. I worry about what kind of reaction we will get this time. With foods she ate just fine before 9 months.

Most people don't realize how sad it makes me to watch other kiddos her age eating table food. It's not something we have or haven't done. This is how her body has reacted.

We tried food. She would be sick all day. We would wait a week or so. We'd try again. Same reaction. This went on for months. From January to June. Finally, the doctor told us to keep her on the formula, and give her body some time to heal/adjust.

We don't know the cause. It could have been triggered by the stomach virus she got back then. Or it could have just been a coincidence, and the food allergies showed up at the same time.

I know we will get her on solid foods soon. I am anxious (in a good and bad way) to start the yellow veggies. She loved those last time. I hope she doesn't react like she did with the gluten-ingredient grains.

There are so many times that I feel so alone. No other kiddos are on a liquid diet at 15 months of age. Why her? It doesn't matter. It's my job as her mama to help her get through life. And I am doing the best I can. God blessed me with the sweetest baby girl I could imagine. I couldn't be more grateful.