(image from Pinterest here)Hello friends.
A friend I knew in college has "truth telling Tuesdays" on her blog, and I felt the need to do something similar. I am going to call each post "honestly" as a way to look back on myself and see how God has helped me to work through things. I don't know that I will have something on a weekly basis, but I would like for this blog to be as real as possible.
People always comment to me about how I look like I have everything together, or that my life looks like it's perfect or easy. I'm sure that I can speak for anyone, especially new moms, when I say, it's not. I make a lot of mistakes. But, I am learning so much.
Everyone is fighting their own battle(s). Here is one of mine:
Caroline is doing so well with food. I am working very hard at trying to get her off of the pureed food and onto regular food. I still have to strictly regulate everything she eats. If something has more than one ingredient, it's because I have mixed them. For example, green beans and rice... or sweet potatoes and squash.
She isn't the one struggling with all of this. I am. I have watched her time and time again, when she gets sick after eating food.
If you aren't in the loop as far as her food problems go, here is a rundown:
1) She had a milk protein allergy when she was born that made her sick/hurt if I had dairy. So, I had to take it (among all other possible allergens) out of my diet. Once I stopped the dairy, her reflux got better.
2.) Reflux has been controlled since she was about 8 weeks old.
3.) She started solid food around 5 months and did great.
4.) At 9 months, she got a bad stomach virus. We couldn't ever get her back on solid foods without her throwing up.
5.) For months, I kept trying single ingredient foods or bland foods, and she would still get sick. Things she ate every day before.
6.) The doctor put her on a liquid diet to give her body a rest. From 11 months until 15 months, her sole nutrition was formula.
7.) We did an endoscopy of her throat, which showed no food allergies (so weird), but that she has a hiatal hernia... an anatomical abnomality that basically just gives her a predisposition for reflux. So, basically, I think she had a double dose for reflux at the beginning.
8.) At this point, I have a strong feeling she has grown out of the milk allergy, but only time will tell. We went to a new doctor... the best of the best... Chief of Pediatric Gastroenterology at Texas Childrens.
9.) He gave us a strict plan to follow. We figured out that the wheat/oats are what were making her sick. Things she ate everyday before she got sick at 9 months. He told us allergies show up that way, and it's best to take them out of their diet instead of continuing to give them. Hence, I can't give her a ton of regular food because a) we haven't gotten to the point of trying dairy in his plan yet, and b) practically everything has wheat or dairy in it.
I wasn't going back over that to be wordy. All of this has given me so much anxiety as a mother.
I literally get pits in my stomach as she is trying a new food. Is she going to get sick this time? She has been fine on fruits, veggies, and rice so it's just wheat/oats at this point.
Now that she is 17 months old, the church nursery or any mothers day out will have kids that are eating normal things. Things Caroline can't have yet. Like Goldfish. Or Graham Crackers.
I have so much anxiety when we drop her off at the church nursery, or at the thought of taking her to Mother's Day Out, because I am terrified she will pick something up off of the floor she can't have and eat it.
I am terrified she will choke. I am terrified something bad will happen if she eats something she can't have.
So, there it is. I constantly have to tell myself that God will take care of her. We have such a strong bond, and I can't bear for something to happen to her. I am tearing up just writing this.
I keep seeing all of these precious babies get sick on Facebook, or lose their Mamas, and it fuels my anxiety.
So, I keep repeating verses to myself, and I keep praying.
2 comments:
OH MY GOSH, friend. I know you are going through a lot with the food stuff and my heart aches to read this. I hope you have the faith in yourself that everyone has in you. You are a great mom to Caroline and have been such a huge advocate for her health. That Philippians verse is perfect, while it's hard to remember all the time, it rings so true and clear. This too shall pass and all three of you will be stronger and better for it. At the very least, this is an opportunity for you to introduce a very healthful and whole foods based diet to C, which not a lot of parents think to do because it's easy to buy Gerber Graduates puffs.
It is hard to not worry them when they are away from you and I'm sure even more so when you are dealing with food allergies. You are a wonderful mama to Caroline and I hope that she continues to enjoy new foods without getting sick and your anxiety starts to ease. I think it is normal to feel anxious when she has been sick so much due to food this past year. Hugs friend!
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